D. Workplace Etiquette

WORKPLACE ETIQUETTE

It’s hard to know what to include in a discussion of etiquette since most of us received some sort of training as a child.  However, for those of us who were short-changed we’ll start with the basics and hope that any redundancy will not be too off-putting but rather will serve to reinforce our childhood development and teach us even more.

What’s the difference between the rising star whose career is picking up speed and his counterpart who can’t seem to get the engine to turn over?  Often, the star has mastered the nuances of business etiquette — the subtle but critical behaviors that can make or break an important meeting, influence a first impression or impress a potential client.  

First, understand the difference between business etiquette and social etiquette.  Business etiquette is genderless. For example, the traditional chivalrous etiquette of holding the door open for a woman is not necessary in the workplace and can even have the unintended effect of offending her.  In the work environment, men and women are peers. Second, your guiding principle should always be to treat people with consideration and respect.

As times change, so do social norms for personal and professional behavior, but that doesn’t mean basic etiquette doesn’t matter.  Performance and quality are important, too, of course, but not exclusively. We sometimes forget that business is about people. There is no shortage of competent and reliable people in the business world and manners can make the difference.  Wouldn’t you rather collaborate with, work for or buy from someone who has high standards of professional behavior?

The digital landscape has made it even more difficult to know whether or not you’re crossing a line, but I think it’s simple. Etiquette is positive.  It’s a way of being—not a set of rules or dos and don’ts. That being said, here’s a list of do’s and don’ts.

Make Positive Impressions.

How you present yourself to others in the business world speaks volumes.  People often form first impressions about others within seconds of first meeting them therefore it is crucial to ensure you are properly prepared to present yourself as a professional.  Here are some important tips towards making a good impression.  

• Stand straight, make eye contact, turn towards people when they are speaking, and genuinely smile at people.
• Follow your office dress code, perhaps dressing a step above the norm for your office.
• Your briefcase or bag and the things you carry in them say something about you.  Messy items may detract from the image you would like to present.
• Be alert.  Sleepiness looks bad in the workplace.
• Kindness and courtesy count!
• Arrive early to work each day.
• Always say “Please” and “Thank you.” This should go without saying, but even in a very casual professional atmosphere, this basic form of courtesy is still imperative.  Today, sending a thank you e-mail is perfectly acceptable, but a handwritten thank you note is always a nice touch.
• Don’t interrupt.  We’ve become a nation of “over-talkers,” so eager to offer our own opinions or press our point that we often interrupt others mid-sentence.  It can be tongue-bitingly difficult to force ourselves not to interject, especially when the discussion is heated. Don’t. It’s rude and shows disrespect for the opinions of others.  Remember, be assertive, not aggressive.
• Watch your language.  Verbal and written communications are often much less formal than in times past, but be careful to choose your words wisely.  Of course, derogatory, rude or offensive language is unacceptable, but so is slang. While it may be commonplace in our society, it’s never acceptable in a professional atmosphere.
• Avoid the “Big Two.” We have blurred many of the personal and professional lines, but politics and religion are still off-limits.  These topics are highly charged minefields for a professional atmosphere. Leave them at the office door.
• Show genuine interest.  Keep eye contact and make an effort to truly listen to what others are saying.  We are so easily distracted in this climate of increasingly short attention spans; we often can’t wait for the other person to hurry up and finish so we can move on to the next thing.  Resist the lure of distraction and haste. Take the time to ask questions and show an interest in the other person’s thoughts.

Consider how you treat people.

• Acknowledge others.  When someone approaches you, acknowledge him or her.  If you’re in the middle of something important, it’s fine to ask them to wait a minute while you finish.  If you pass someone in the hallway or on the street, but don’t have time to talk, at least wave a hand and say hello.  Busyness is not an excuse to ignore people.
• Introductions 
• When in doubt, introduce others.  Always introduce people to others whenever the opportunity arises, unless you know that they’re already acquainted.  It makes people feel valued, regardless of their status or position. It also helps others who may have forgotten a name. 
• A Proper Introduction.  The proper way to make an introduction is to introduce a lower-ranking person to a higher-ranking person.  For example, if your CEO is Mrs. Jones and you are introducing administrative assistant Jane Smith to her, the correct introduction would be “Mrs. Jones, I’d like you to meet Jane Smith.”  If you forget a person’s name while making an introduction, don’t panic. Proceed with the introduction with a statement such as, “I’m sorry, your name has just slipped my mind.” Omitting an introduction is a bigger faux pas than salvaging a botched introduction.

Shake Hands.

A handshake is still the professional standard.  Not only does this simple gesture demonstrate that you’re polite, confident and approachable, it also sets the tone for any potential future professional relationship.  In a very casual work atmosphere, you might be able to get away with a nod or a hello, but it’s worth it to make the extra effort to offer your hand.

When meeting someone for the first time, be sure to shake hands palm to palm with a gentle firmness.  Men have a tendency to be overly forceful thereby creating the impression they are not sensitive to others.  Women have a tendency to have limp handshakes thereby creating the impression of being weak and reactionary.

The physical connection you make when shaking hands with someone can leave a powerful impression.  When someone’s handshake is unpleasant in any way, we often associate negative character traits with that person. A firm handshake made with direct eye contact sets the stage for a positive encounter.

Learn names and learn them quickly.  A good tip for remembering names is to use a person’s name three times within your first conversation with them.  Also, write names down and keep business cards. Ask for one if need be and be sure to offer your own. People know when you don’t know their names and may interpret this as a sign that you don’t value them.

Don’t be a business card pusher.  Don’t simply hand out business cards to everyone you meet.  It’s a bit aggressive unless you’re on a sales call. Ask for the other person’s card, offer to exchange cards or at the very least, ask if you can leave your card before you reach in your pocket.

Self-assess. Think about how you treat your supervisor(s), peers, and subordinates.  Would the differences in the relationships, if seen by others, cast you in an unfavorable light?  If so, find where the imbalance exists, and start the process of reworking the relationship dynamic.  Refrain from joking with each other in the company of strangers who will not be aware of the detail of your relationships.

Sharing Personal Information.  What you share with others about your personal life is your choice, but be careful.  Things can come back to haunt you. Don’t ask others to share their personal lives with you.  This makes many people uncomfortable in the work space.

Respect people’s personal space.  This may be very different than your own.

Women take note:  To avoid any confusion during an introduction, always extend your hand when greeting someone.  Remember, men and women are equals in the workplace. Men, if a woman does not extend her hand for a handshake, then you should not extend yours.

Never pull out someone’s chair for them.  It’s OK to hold open a door for your guest, but you shouldn’t pull someone’s chair out for them regardless of gender.  In a business setting, you should leave those social gender rules behind. Both men and women can pull out their own chairs.

Don’t Judge.

• Don’t make value judgments on people’s importance in the workplace.  Talk to the maintenance staff members and to the people who perform many of the administrative support functions.  These people deserve your respect! Also, these are often the gatekeepers and “worker bees” who get things done and grant you access.We all have our vices—and we all have room for improvement. One of the most important parts of modern-day etiquette is not to criticize others.
• You may disagree with how another person handles a specific situation, but rise above and recognize that everyone is trying their best. It’s not your duty to judge others based on what you feel is right. You are only responsible for yourself.
• We live in a world where both people and businesses are concerned about brand awareness. Individuals want to stand out and be liked and accepted by their peers–both socially and professionally, so before you create that hashtag, post on someone’s Facebook page or text someone mid-meeting, remember the fundamentals: Will this make someone feel good?
• And remember the elemental act of putting pen to paper and writing a note. You’ll make a lasting impression that a shout-out on Twitter or a Facebook wall mention can’t even touch.

Keep your fingers together when you point.  “Point with an open palm, and keep your fingers together. If you point with your index finger, it appears aggressive. Both men and women point, but women have a tendency to do it more than men.”

Don’t gossip.  It’s so hard sometimes to resist engaging in a little “harmless” gossip.  But the reality is that gossip is never harmless. It is most certainly damaging to the subject of the gossip, but it also reflects poorly on you.  It’s natural to be curious and interested in what other people are doing, but talking about someone who is not present is disrespectful.

COMMUNICATING

It’s sometimes not what you say, but how you say it that counts! 

• Return phone calls and emails within 24 hours – even if only to say that you will provide requested information at a later date.  
• Ask before putting someone on speakerphone.
• Personalize your voice mail – there’s nothing worse than just hearing a phone number on someone’s voice mail and not knowing if you are leaving a message with the correct person.  People may not even leave messages. Speak slowly and repeat your message or at least your contact information.

Electronic Etiquette

• Proper Grammar, Correct Spelling.  Lingo and abbreviations that originated in the realm of instant messaging and texting have made their way into email. Even if your coworkers and clients don’t call you out on your use of such shortcuts, avoid using them. An email could get forwarded to another client or a supervisor who may be appalled at your seeming lack of written communication skills.
• When emailing, use the subject box, and make sure it directly relates to what you are writing.  This ensures ease in finding it later and a potentially faster response.  Besides, it’s a legal requirement that the “To,” “From,” and subject lines be accurate.
• Never say in an email anything you wouldn’t say to someone’s face.
• Underlining, italicizing, bolding, coloring, and changing font size can make a mild email message seem overly strong or aggressive.
• Use the “Signature” function on your emails to provide your contact information, company name, tag line and any other information each time you send an email.  Don’t expect that everyone will remember you just by your name.
• Email, faxes, conference calls and cell phones can create a veritable landmine of professional etiquette.  Just because you have the capability to reach someone 24/7, it doesn’t mean you should.
• Double check before you hit send.  While we’re on the subject of communication, always check your e-mails for spelling and grammar errors.  Since the advent of spell check, there is no excuse for typos.  Also, do a quick read to make sure the meaning and tone are what you wish to convey.  And no emoticons, please.
• Email is so prevalent in many of today’s companies that the transmission of jokes, spam and personal notes often constitute more of the messages employees receive than actual work-related material.  Remember that your email messages are an example of your professional correspondence. Professional correspondence does not include smiley faces or similar emoticons.
• Faxes should always include your contact information, date and number of pages included.  They should not be sent unsolicited — they waste the other person’s paper and tie up the lines.
• Conference-call etiquette entails introducing all the participants at the beginning of the call so everyone knows who is in attendance.  Since you’re not able to see other participants’ body language and nonverbal clues, you will have to compensate for this disadvantage by communicating very clearly.  Be aware of unintentionally interrupting someone or failing to address or include attendees because you can’t see them. And finally, don’t put anyone on speakerphone until you have asked permission to do so.
• Cell phones can be a lifesaver for many professionals.  Unfortunately, if you are using a cell, you are most likely outside your office and may be preoccupied with driving, catching a flight or some other activity.  Be sensitive to the fact that your listener may not be interested in a play-by-play of traffic or the other events you are experiencing during your call.
• Even if you have impeccable social graces, you will inevitably have a professional blunder at some point.  When this happens: apologize sincerely without gushing or being too effusive. State your apology like you mean it, and then move on.  Making too big an issue of your mistake only magnifies the damage and makes the recipient more uncomfortable.
• Send a Thank You Note.  The art of the thank you note should never die. If you have a job interview, or if you’re visiting clients or meeting new business partners—especially if you want the job, or the contract or deal—take the time to write a note.  You’ll differentiate yourself by doing so and it will reflect well on your company too.

MEETINGS

This can easily be the most intimidating part of starting a new job.  The environment of a meeting requires some careful navigation to maintain your professional image, whether the meetings are one-on-one, with several colleagues or with external clients.  

• Be on time.  We’re all busy.  Being punctual shows others that you value their time.  Being late doesn’t mean that you’re busier than other people; it just means that you’re inconsiderate.
• For a meeting in someone’s office, don’t arrive more than five minutes early, as they may be prepping for your meeting, another meeting later that day, or trying to get other work done.  You may make them uncomfortable, and that is not a good way to begin your meeting.
• Don’t arrive late…ever.  If you are going to be late, try to let someone know so that people are not sitting around waiting for you.  Don’t forget that being on time for a meeting means arriving 5 minutes early – for an interview, arrive 10 minutes early.
• When a meeting runs late and you need to be somewhere else, always be prepared to explain where you need to be (understanding that the value of where you need to be will likely be judged).
• Try to live by the rule that you will wait fifteen minutes for anyone and 16 minutes for no one.  If you or someone else is running more than fifteen minutes late you should probably re-schedule.
• Do not interrupt people.  This is a bad habit to start and a tough one to end.
• There is a time and place for confrontation, and a meeting is almost never that place.  You will embarrass and anger other people, and you will look bad for doing it. Give people time and space outside of meetings to reflect on issues that need to be dealt with.
• Focus on the Face, Not the Screen.  Turn off your gadgets in meetings. My company’s CEO starts every meeting by reminding us to turn our phones face down, close our laptops, and focus only on the meeting.  Having the discipline to step away from distractions is refreshing. Of course, this really only works if everyone adheres to it. It’s difficult to make that happen, but when everyone is unplugged and focused, meetings are much more productive.
• It’s hard not to be distracted these days. We have a plethora of devices to keep us occupied; emails and phone calls come through at all hours; and we all think we have to multitask to feel efficient and productive.  But that’s not true: When you’re in a meeting or listening to someone speak, turn off the phone. Don’t check your email. Pay attention and be present.
• Say your full name.  In a business situation, you should use your full name, but you should also pay attention to how others want to be introduced.  If your name is too long or difficult to pronounce, you should consider changing or shortening it. Or you should consider writing down the pronunciation of your name on a business card and giving it to others.
• Always stand when you’re being introduced to someone.  Standing helps establish your presence. You make it easy for others to ignore you if you don’t stand.  If you are caught off guard and cannot rise, you should lean forward to indicate that you would stand, if you could.
• Only say “thank you” once or twice during a conversation.  You need to say it only once or twice within a conversation. Otherwise, you may dilute its impact and possibly make yourself seem somewhat helpless and needy.
• No phone during meetings.  When you’re in a meeting, focus on the meeting discussion.  Don’t take calls, text or check e-mail. It’s disrespectful to the other attendees, not to mention, extremely annoying.  It also makes meetings last longer because the participants keep losing focus.
• Don’t dominate the “Questions” segment in meetings.  How many questions should you ask? Frankly, I think one question per big meeting is usually enough; three is the maximum.  For smaller meetings, just consider how much air time is available, and try not to dominate. Also, consider if the question has the word “I” in it.  Who will benefit from the answer? If it’s just about you, save it and track down the right person after the meeting.  

MEETINGS WITH MEALS

• Whether it’s a company-wide function or a team dinner, ask before inviting your significant other.  Ask the host/coordinator of the event.  Are spouses in or are they out? This is really an all-or-nothing thing.  If it’s not been offered to everyone, it’s inconsiderate to assume that the company wants to pay for your spouse.  Secondly, if you bring your significant other and nobody else does, talking shop feels awkward to everyone (your guest included), and that’s what business dinners are often about.  As a general policy, if spouses/significant others are openly invited, absolutely go for it. If it’s not a group-wide invitation, fly solo.
• When it comes to business meals, bring your manners.  I once invited a client to lunch, and the first red flag went up when she brought a coworker that I didn’t invite.  The client talked about herself the entire time while the coworker sat in obvious misery. When the client’s plate arrived first, she hovered over her plate and dove in with such intensity I figured she was finishing up a month-long juice fast.  Mouth packed with food, she kept on talking while her colleague and I lost our appetites. Several months later, the client asked for a referral. I’ll let you guess if she got it. 
• The host should always pay.  If you did the inviting, you are the host, and you should pay the bill, regardless of gender.  When in doubt, the highest ranking employee always pays. Further, you should probably order one of the most expensive items on the menu so as to not embarrass any guest who might want to order an expensive item.  If you are a guest, try not to order an expensive item.

What if a male guest wants to pay? A woman does have some choices. She can say, “Oh, it’s not me; it is the firm that is paying.” Or she can excuse herself from the table and pay the bill away from the guests.  This option works for men as well, and it is a very refined way to pay a bill. However, the bottom line is that you don’t want to fight over a bill. If a male guest insists on paying despite a female host’s best efforts, let him pay.

• Know where to properly place plates and silverware.  Remember that “left” has four letters and “right” has five letters.  Food is placed to the left of the dinner plate. The words food and left each have four letters; if the table is set properly, your bread or salad or any other food dish, will be placed to the left of your dinner plate.  Similarly, drinks are placed to the right of the dinner plate, and the words glass and right contain five letters. Any glass or drink will be placed to the right of the dinner plate. Left and right also work for your utensils.  Your fork (four letters) goes to the left; your knife and spoon (five letters each) go to the right. Also, think “BMW” when trying to remember where to place plates and glasses. The mnemonic BMW here stands for “bread, meal, and water” so remember that “your bread-and-butter plate is on the left, the meal is in the middle, and your water glass is on the right.”
• Keep the food options balanced with your guest.  This means that if your guest orders an appetizer or dessert, you should follow suit.  You don’t want to make your guest feel uncomfortable by eating a course alone.
• If the host follows certain dietary restrictions, consider the restaurant they’re taking you to before ordering.  In any case avoid messy foods and foods that you eat with your hands.  If you should happen to order something to be eaten with your hands by all means use your hands.
• Always break bread with your hands.  You should never use your knife to cut your rolls at a business dinner.  Break your roll in half and tear off one piece at a time, and butter the piece as you are ready to eat it.
• Wait until everyone has been served before you dig in (you will survive those few extra minutes).and keep your mouth shut when you chew.
• Do not impose dietary choices on others. Nevertheless, you can often judge what to order by the type of restaurant she chooses.  For example, if your boss is a vegetarian but chose to meet you at a steak house, by all means you can order steak
• Never ask for a to-go box.  You are there for business, not for the leftovers.  Doggie bags are okay for family dinners but not during professional occasions.
• Do not push away or stack your dishes.  You are not the waiter. Let the wait staff do their jobs.
• Prepare a polite exit.  You need to be the one talking as you’re making the exit. Remember to leave when you are talking. At that point, you are in control, and it is a much smoother exit.  You should also have “exit lines” prepared in case you need to leave a conversation. You can say “Nice to meet you” or “Nice talking to you” or “See you next week at the meeting.”  You can also excuse yourself for a bathroom break, to get food, or say you wanted to catch someone before they leave.

WORK SPACE

You may spend more waking hours in work spaces than in your home space so: 

• Keep the space professional and neat with appropriate personal touches!  People will see the space and consider it a reflection of you.
• Respect others’ space.  Whether it is a cubicle or office, be respectful.  Don’t just walk in; knock or gently make your presence known.  Don’t assume acknowledgement of your presence is an invitation to sit down; wait until you are invited to do so.
• Don’t walk into someone’s office unannounced.  It’s disrespectful to assume that you have the right to interrupt other people’s work.  Knock on the door or say hello if it’s open and ask if it’s a good time to talk. If the discussion is going to take more than a few minutes, it’s a good idea to call or e-mail and schedule a good time for both of you.
• Don’t eavesdrop.  Everyone is entitled to private conversations, in person or over the phone.  The same goes for e-mail; don’t stand over someone’s shoulder and read their e-mails.
• Don’t interrupt people on the phone, and don’t try to communicate with them verbally or with sign language.  You could damage an important phone call.
• Limit personal calls, especially if you work in a space that lacks a door.
• Learn when and where it is appropriate to use your cell phone in your office.
• Food consumption should generally be regulated.  Smells and noise from food can be distracting to others trying to work.

INTERNATIONAL BUSINESS ETIQUETTE

As the global market grows, the need to understand multiple international standards of business etiquette grows.  Research the country you will be working in or visiting; note the proper etiquette, culture and customs for that country.  There are, however, a few key things to keep in mind when conducting business internationally: 

• Knowing the language makes an excellent impression on the people with whom you are doing business.  Barely knowing the language, but feigning fluency, could really harm the work you are trying to accomplish.
• Be mindful of time zones.  You don’t want to wake someone up on their cell phone or call someone with an unreasonable deadline or concern at an awkward time of day for them.
• As there is no standard global work day, you should keep in mind that work hours vary from country to country.  This is important when scheduling meetings or conference calls.
• Know the holidays that will be observed, and be respectful of the time surrounding the holidays, as people may be less available.
• Meals can be extremely crucial in making a positive international business etiquette impression.  The customs that are followed when dining are often very important, and mistakes in this area could be costly.  Knowing the etiquette well in advance should allow you to relax and enjoy what could be an amazing new experience!

In Conclusion, most of these things were taught to us by our parents as kids.  It’s just being polite. Are we at the point that we need a book to tell us what would be common practice (and sense) a decade ago? . As I said earlier, it’s better to duplicate information than assume people know it.  Fortunately, unless you do something really stupid, most people are well, human, and won’t hold it against you.  Think of it this way, if the person you’re with really gets put off by a minor faux pas, they’re being petty and you probably don’t want to work with them.  Vigilantly observe the corporate culture in which you work, and be aware that change will happen. Your eyes and ears are your best resource in this learning process!